Day 66 Post 1 – A Letter to God

Dear God,

I know you can hear my every thought but I need your special blessings so that I can live to my fullest potential as you created me to. Please help me with the following:

Please help me give the boys more of the attention they deserve so they remember how much I love them.

Please help me keep my patience with the baby when she wakes numerous times during the night. She was a gift from you to us and it’s not fair to become frustrated with her.

Please help me cope with the fact that I am not exclusively breast feeding. I feel like a failure.

Thank you for my incredible husband and children. We may be occasionally penniless but we are far from broke.

Thank you for giving me the strength to start and operate my business, and for the clients who keep a roof over our heads.

Thank you for making me.



Day 65 Post 1 – Financial Goals

In a recent conversation with my aunt I learned she took a financial course at her church not too long ago. I called her back a few days later (after an extremely frustrating experience at a car dealership) to ask her how she would recommend I start my own financial correction process.

She had several suggestions but the one I’m going to implement immediately is splitting my expenses. For example, I’m going to assume that each month has four weeks and split each expense into four. Each week I will put a quarter of each bills estimate amount into my savings account so when the bill comes due I have the funds. Let’s just say that D and I don’t always plan ahead, but emergencies and unexpected expenses also arise.

The first step I need to take with this process is writing out all my expenses. I don’t mind sharing, and this IS my accountability blog, so I’m going to do it here.

Rent: $725
Water: $40
Gas (house): $120
Electric: $120
Car insurance: $130
Student loan #1: $100
Student loan #2: $100
Cable/phone/internet: $130
D’s car: $330
D’s child support: $220

The total of all that equals $2015, and this doesn’t include food, clothes, entertainment, gas for the car or holidays. Phoooooo… $504/week. I need to make sure I’m getting as close to 40 hours as possible, if not more.

Day 30 Post 1

My lack of posting for the past three weeks has been the result of productivity in other areas. Good areas. We have had numerous projects come in for work and I think I’ve played Candy Crushers once briefly in the past week. I’m honestly… Proud of my productivity.

The last two days have been EXTREMELY frustrating, however. I love being productive and the baby is not allowing for me to be as productive as I would like to be. Yesterday was especially frustrating, and I don’t enjoy being a downer.

Here’s the synopsis of Day 29:

  • Woke up at 5:30
  • Worked for hours (with baby in arms) on project for client sourcing images (couldn’t find what he wanted
  • “D” woke up at 11:30
  • Spoke  with my stepmom and found out that my grandma (MOM’S mom) was read her last rites on Monday and I wasn’t told
  • Spoke with mom and found out grandma could no longer swallow
  • Internet stopped working
  • Couldn’t find book I was supposed to read for Bible Study at mom’s group

Uggggggghhhh…  “D” just asked if I wanted to give “N” booby again.  I’ve had her since 1pm (after doing 2 hours of work this morning) and have been entirely unproductive this afternoon.evening.

Don’t get me wrong. I really want to exclusively breast feed (it’s not working out that way right now) and I love the time with my daughter, however if I don’t work, we don’t get paid. And if I don’t work we have clients calling and writing to find out why their work isn’t getting done.

I know right now I’m feeling extra frustrated because I didn’t sleep well last night. Grandma passed away at 3:30am and this entire day has been filled with phone calls and text messages regarding her calling hours and burial. And to top it off, the air conditioning in our apartment broke today and it’s HOT in here!

PLEASE NOTE: Yes, I am upset about the death of my grandmother. However with my Faith I am more happy that she is finally escaping 10+ years of suffering to go home to God and be with my grandfather once again. I will see her again some day, so now is just the time to celebrate her life here on Earth.

Breathe….  I need to breathe…

Day 9 Post 1

I just admitted a weakness of mine to a client. I can’t stand admitting weaknesses.

What did I admit?

I admitted that I can’t do everything.

I’ve gone without sleep way too many times because I’ve told clients I would do something I really didn’t have time to do. With “N” here, it’s not like I can go without sleep. I mean, I’ve basically already given up all sleep, and I have no idea what energy reserve my body is running off of right now. My daily schedule has been washed away, and I’m honestly having to choose between using a 5-minute break to wash up or to eat. As a breast feeding mom eating usually takes priority.

It’s a good thing none of our clients are local.

“N” and I were up by 7am this morning to make sure the door was unlocked for “J” and “R” when they got here from their dads. For the next five and a half hours I had a leech hanging from my boob. While these hours were previously my prime working hours, this morning I got absolutely nothing done. But on the plus side, I’ve stuck to my “No Candy Crushers” rule

The fold out chair-bed at the hospital killed D’s back, so we will be heading back to the chiropractor this afternoon. I’m hoping to get some work done after that appointment, but the boys will be home shortly after we get here. Bah…

We’ve got some money coming in next week (Hooray!) and I’m thinking of getting a baby swing at our local Once Upon a Child for “N”. She HATES the vibrating baby seat, and I don’t like paying full retail price for baby stuff, especially when she may not even like it. (First-time moms and germaphobes are probably disgusted by my aversion to new…  Have a few more and become self-employed and you’ll learn what’s important to buy new)

Maybe next week is when I’ll actually get (back) to work.

Day 8 Post 2

Some people, if not prepared, would probably take a look at my email inbox and its folders and gasp at the emails I have saved. While some have been saved for sentimental reasons (for example, the first emails my husband, “D”, and I exchanged after meeting through Craigslist), others have been saved due to my “Just in Case” reflex. Because of this I probably have thousands of saved emails. Yes, thousands.

Today, however, my email hoarding once again came in handy. I cancelled accounting/bookkeeping services with company “X” in March, after realizing that our company’s bookkeeping requirements aren’t any more complicated than the free work I can perform on Excel. While the services they offer may cater to the complicated, apparently the request to cancel such services is too complicated. Today, for the sixth time, I had to call my bank and dispute a charge from this service. For each of the six months since I cancelled my services (and kept the email), I have been charged, despite repeated calls to both the service provider and my bank. While I am not one to get upset over the little things, this is really beginning to piss me off especially since money is so tight right now.

While you may not like holding on to emails because they clutter up your inbox, I strongly recommend keeping cancellation confirmation emails such as the one I received from company “X”. My bank is customer friendly, however I have had to refer to this email for the cancellation confirmation number during each call so that they can include it in the dispute process. Without it I would have been unable to dispute any of these charges and would not have gotten my money back.