Day 63 Post 3 – Give Me a Break Part 3

Why is that…

When I’m committed and focused on working as much as possible I have the lease support and ability to do so?

Even though I’ve been up 11.5 hours today I’ve only been able to clock three hours, however he’s been up four hours and has been able to clock three hours already on schoolwork. (Yep, he gets up and I still have the baby the majority of the time)

When he sleeps late I’m nice and keep the door shut as to not disturb him , however he told me to take a nap and left the door wide open.

You have to remember…

In post 1 today I warned I might be hormonal

I vent on here because it allows me to blow off hot air to people I don’t know rather than be a bitchy wife. Must admit, however that today is the closest I’ve come to yelling at him. I can still feel my body pulsing with anger.

When I really think about though maybe the problem isn’t here. Today my family 600 miles away said goodbye to my brother. And I’m here. And I don’t get to say goodbye.

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Day 63 Post 2 – give me a break part 2

So I wrote post 1 early this morning and went to sleep immediately thereafter. “D” came to bed around 3:30, woke me up and we are asleep again around 4. The baby woke up at 6 and I have been up with her since then.

It’s not 12:31pm.

“D” is still asleep.

Sigh.

I’ve expressed to him a couple times in the past week that it’s frustrating when I get up early with her, get little to no work done and am exhausted myself when she goes to sleep for the night.

Apparently he didn’t hear me.

He works from 9-3 or 4 every night on his homework. His interruptions are pretty limited. He is productive.

I’m exhausted and frustrated beyond belief.

Day 2 Post 1

It’s nearly 3:30pm and I am quite proud of my progress today. The kitchen is just about clean and the only laundry outstanding is that which is in the dryer and a basket of the boys clothes which they will put away when they get home from school. (At 7 and 10 years old, our boys are expected to perform certain chores in order to 1) Earn video game/TV time and 2) Earn allowance.) I’ve taken a shower – a feat for any mother of a newborn – and I’ve even started sorting the pile of mail I’ve been avoiding. Oh – and the hospital bag is finally unpacked even thought I thought I did that last week.

And my biggest accomplishment of the day? I’ve ignored Facebook since before 9am this morning, even though I spent most of 9am-12pm with a baby on the breast. Do I want to take a stab at my latest level of Candy Crushers? Yes! But I’m happy to see the progress around the house.

I’m not going to deny that being in a foul mood fueled my cleaning energy this morning. Hubby and I were amused during a conversation early in our relationship that we both clean when we’re angry. We’ve been together nearly three years and we have never fought, but in the wee hours of this morning I almost snapped on him. With a three a.m. feeding underway, he woke and asked me if I needed anything. Feeling as though “N” was using my breast as a pacifier, I asked “D” to get her pacifier from downstairs so we could all get back to sleep. Five minutes later he came back in an extremely bad mood. Dropping the f-bomb numerous times, he expressed his frustration with our cat and the fact that he has taken to stealing “N”‘s paci’s.  For some reason, however, this frustration was aimed at me, which was greatly unappreciated.

“D” and I share custody of the boys with their father 50-50, and he has them every Wednesday and Thursday night. Because we work at home, the boys no longer go to before or after school care and the ex drops them off here every morning around 7:30. Despite the fact that “D” has asked me to get him up by 8am, this morning I chose not to. My frustration with being vented at left him undisturbed in bed until nearly 1pm, when I carried a basket of our clothes upstairs (another lash at him because I’m not supposed to be carrying anything heavier than the baby right now). In the end, however, we talked it out, “D” expressed his sincere appreciation for the work I do and have done this morning, and he apologized for venting his cat frustrations at me.

i can’t tell you how invaluable apologies are to me. Knowing when to admit our faults and mistakes and apologize for the latter is far more valuable than being perfect all the time.

Wow…  I’m rambling…

To continue on with today’s goals, here’s the updated list:

  • No Candy Crushers between 9am and 9pm (5pm will be a breeze, I’m extending a bit)
  • Fold and put away last load of laundry
  • Finish cleaning kitchen
  • 4+ hours of billable time to clients
  • Pick up lost stitches on R’s blanket
  • 6+ rows knit on R’s blanket
  • Start tracking glasses of water drank – and drink more! (Important for breastfeeding)
  • Order pictures on Shutterfly

Tomorrow’s Goals

  • No Candy Crushers between 9am and 9pm
  • 4+ hours of billable time to clients
  • 6+ rows knit on R’s blanket
  • Continue cleaning out mail pile
  • Work on “D”‘s company website