Day 63 Post 3 – Give Me a Break Part 3

Why is that…

When I’m committed and focused on working as much as possible I have the lease support and ability to do so?

Even though I’ve been up 11.5 hours today I’ve only been able to clock three hours, however he’s been up four hours and has been able to clock three hours already on schoolwork. (Yep, he gets up and I still have the baby the majority of the time)

When he sleeps late I’m nice and keep the door shut as to not disturb him , however he told me to take a nap and left the door wide open.

You have to remember…

In post 1 today I warned I might be hormonal

I vent on here because it allows me to blow off hot air to people I don’t know rather than be a bitchy wife. Must admit, however that today is the closest I’ve come to yelling at him. I can still feel my body pulsing with anger.

When I really think about though maybe the problem isn’t here. Today my family 600 miles away said goodbye to my brother. And I’m here. And I don’t get to say goodbye.

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Day 30 Post 1

My lack of posting for the past three weeks has been the result of productivity in other areas. Good areas. We have had numerous projects come in for work and I think I’ve played Candy Crushers once briefly in the past week. I’m honestly… Proud of my productivity.

The last two days have been EXTREMELY frustrating, however. I love being productive and the baby is not allowing for me to be as productive as I would like to be. Yesterday was especially frustrating, and I don’t enjoy being a downer.

Here’s the synopsis of Day 29:

  • Woke up at 5:30
  • Worked for hours (with baby in arms) on project for client sourcing images (couldn’t find what he wanted
  • “D” woke up at 11:30
  • Spoke  with my stepmom and found out that my grandma (MOM’S mom) was read her last rites on Monday and I wasn’t told
  • Spoke with mom and found out grandma could no longer swallow
  • Internet stopped working
  • Couldn’t find book I was supposed to read for Bible Study at mom’s group

Uggggggghhhh…  “D” just asked if I wanted to give “N” booby again.  I’ve had her since 1pm (after doing 2 hours of work this morning) and have been entirely unproductive this afternoon.evening.

Don’t get me wrong. I really want to exclusively breast feed (it’s not working out that way right now) and I love the time with my daughter, however if I don’t work, we don’t get paid. And if I don’t work we have clients calling and writing to find out why their work isn’t getting done.

I know right now I’m feeling extra frustrated because I didn’t sleep well last night. Grandma passed away at 3:30am and this entire day has been filled with phone calls and text messages regarding her calling hours and burial. And to top it off, the air conditioning in our apartment broke today and it’s HOT in here!

PLEASE NOTE: Yes, I am upset about the death of my grandmother. However with my Faith I am more happy that she is finally escaping 10+ years of suffering to go home to God and be with my grandfather once again. I will see her again some day, so now is just the time to celebrate her life here on Earth.

Breathe….  I need to breathe…