Day 66 Post 1 – A Letter to God

Dear God,

I know you can hear my every thought but I need your special blessings so that I can live to my fullest potential as you created me to. Please help me with the following:

Please help me give the boys more of the attention they deserve so they remember how much I love them.

Please help me keep my patience with the baby when she wakes numerous times during the night. She was a gift from you to us and it’s not fair to become frustrated with her.

Please help me cope with the fact that I am not exclusively breast feeding. I feel like a failure.

Thank you for my incredible husband and children. We may be occasionally penniless but we are far from broke.

Thank you for giving me the strength to start and operate my business, and for the clients who keep a roof over our heads.

Thank you for making me.

Amen

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Day 63 Post 3 – Give Me a Break Part 3

Why is that…

When I’m committed and focused on working as much as possible I have the lease support and ability to do so?

Even though I’ve been up 11.5 hours today I’ve only been able to clock three hours, however he’s been up four hours and has been able to clock three hours already on schoolwork. (Yep, he gets up and I still have the baby the majority of the time)

When he sleeps late I’m nice and keep the door shut as to not disturb him , however he told me to take a nap and left the door wide open.

You have to remember…

In post 1 today I warned I might be hormonal

I vent on here because it allows me to blow off hot air to people I don’t know rather than be a bitchy wife. Must admit, however that today is the closest I’ve come to yelling at him. I can still feel my body pulsing with anger.

When I really think about though maybe the problem isn’t here. Today my family 600 miles away said goodbye to my brother. And I’m here. And I don’t get to say goodbye.

Day 63 Post 2 – give me a break part 2

So I wrote post 1 early this morning and went to sleep immediately thereafter. “D” came to bed around 3:30, woke me up and we are asleep again around 4. The baby woke up at 6 and I have been up with her since then.

It’s not 12:31pm.

“D” is still asleep.

Sigh.

I’ve expressed to him a couple times in the past week that it’s frustrating when I get up early with her, get little to no work done and am exhausted myself when she goes to sleep for the night.

Apparently he didn’t hear me.

He works from 9-3 or 4 every night on his homework. His interruptions are pretty limited. He is productive.

I’m exhausted and frustrated beyond belief.

Day 35 Post 1

I’ll say it a million times… I love my husband. But working with him certainly has its challenges.

Sigh.

I’ve spared you the details of our business up to now, however for the purpose of you understanding my struggles I feel I need to open up a little more. PART of our business is graphic design. (This is only about 30% of our business).

“D” and I are both right brained individuals and “D” has enjoyed learning the ins and outs of Illustrator, Photoshop and 3D Studio Max over the past year and a half. As much as he’s learned, however, his eye for graphic design is sometimes off. In the past few days its been very off. Clients are not liking what he’s been giving them and I’ve been redoing his work. It’s exhausting, especially when I have my own workload to get done.

So now it’s 3:45 in the morning, I’ve just finished redoing a tee-shirt design and I haven’t even touched my work tonight.

Poop…  3:46…  The baby’s starting to fuss again. I think I’m going to be bald from pulling my hair out by the time the sun comes up.

Day 32 Post 1

I apologize for my gripe sessions yesterday morning. I was obviously overtired and worn down. I ended up laying down with “N” at about six and falling alder until 930 when “D” woke up.

I must say… Being a self employed couple that works at home definitely has it’s perks where sleep is concerned.

Anyway… Hubby immediately saw that I was exhausted and told me to stay in bed. And I did… By accident… And slept til noon.

The sleep did a ton of good though because I had major ideas yesterday. I received an email from a wan in my industry telling me about an upcoming event. Essentially she sold the right to 100 people to pick her brain for $600. All 100 slots sold so she made $60,000 for six weeks of work.

I’ve decided to build our services to do what she’s doing.

I can do it. I will do it.