Day 31 Post 1

Ok. I’m more frustrated than I admitted yesterday. Actually, I’m so annoyed I want to pick something and yell at the top of my lungs so this repeating pattern will change.

It’s 425am and baby “N” is wide awake. I finally got her to sleep after a long day yesterday around 10 and I fell asleep with her. Sigh. That is not what was supposed to happen. I wanted to tackle the pile of work I have waiting for me. But no. I fell asleep. On the recliner. With the baby.

And now it’s 430am and she is wide awake. Knowing how husband is, he won’t wake up until between 10 and 11am which will give me another day where I have 5+ UNPRODUCTIVE hours even before he wakes up. By then I’m already getting frustrated or tired and it only gets worse while I watch him do his morning Facebook scan while drinking his coffee.

Did I mention yet that he’s studying to be a video game designer? So after he gets done with Facebook and his first cup of coffee he plays games for a bit… Or a bit longer than a bit.

Sure, he might have given me a 1/2 hour break in here, but usually she’ll start getting fussy at which point I need to give the boon. Stopping my productivity in its tracks.

So I’ll take care of a hungry fussy baby for a couple hours while he plays games and then I might get another short break. Rinse and repeat until around. 7pm when she hits her extreme night fussy time. Husband needs to start homework and I’m exhausted having been up since 4 or 5.

I spend hours (again) taking care of ms fussy until she goes down for her extended nightly nap. But by that time I’m ready to pass our myself, or I do unintentionally. And my days productivity has seen its peak of maybe 2 hours if you combine all the little 10 minute spurts during the day.

I really want/need to tell husband how frustrated I am but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or offend him. But I just can’t continue in this cycle. It’s making me an angry person and me and angry don’t mesh well.

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